Yup, this is for all my friends here on dA talking about things that, well, should probably be said because if they aren't said now, I'll never say them.

~pinkp0pc0rn Oh God. Where the hell do I begin with you? We met on Neoshit. That's where I'll begin. We met on Neoshit and fawned over Beyblade. I still remember most of what you said to me that day, and why it was important and stayed in my mind forever. A lot of things we've done stay with me for a long time, and I'm not going to let that slip away. I have a lot of that stuff written down or printed out and they're scattered around my room and in my closet and in my bathroom. I'm STILL finding stuff from a long time ago that we did and we used to be n00bs when it came to writing (or at least I did, you were always amazing).

I know that you and me have had our ups and downs, but every single post you make on our forums means the world to me. All those late night conversations of spilling our emo guts all over the floor-be it you or me-will never be forgotten. Because of you, I've managed to pick up my faith again (Kind of, it's a WIP) and even if I'm finding my daily 'Sup God?' it's still thanks to you that that flame didn't go out in the first place, and that you managed to get it going again.

Yeah, it's really cheesy to say, but I feel like you complete me, and you're such an awesome friend. We'll be the ones beating up each-others ex-boyfriends in college or even when we're out of college because they broke one of our hearts. So many experiences have happened in this past year, and it's just so crazy how we can't stay apart. I don't care what anyone says about online relationships. I have the pictures to prove it. You're my best friend and you know things about me that the world would never be able to see. I can sit there and just tell you stuff without feeling nervous or guilty about it now because all the walls have come down between us and it's just raw person on the inside. What we REALLY are, and it's not something I'm ashamed to show you, or even the rest of the world now.

Like I said, we've had our ups and downs, and I'm honestly sorry that I got so upset over you and Madeline. I shouldn't have said the things I did, but I know now that nothing can tear us apart. I was just so afraid of loosing you. I honestly can say that I was afraid that someone was going to break you again and I wouldn't have been able to fix it. I know that you don't like talking about it, but sometimes, when I remember those nights we sat up and I tried to convince you that you WERE loved and that you DID deserve it, it breaks my heart to even think that you were once that way. It's not fair that someone like you should have to suffer from something like that, but I thank God honestly in my prayers every night (be it consciously or subconsciously) that you're okay now. Yeah, neither of us are perfect, and we both have our emotional ups and downs, but you're just so much better. I'm not taking credit for it, believe me, it had nothing to do with me. My hands were shaking when I typed those messages at two in the morning, and I bawled my eyes out when you said that you told your mom about what you were feeling. I was probably useless, but I tried so damn hard because, for some reason, I cared about you THAT much even if we'd only known eachother for six or so months.

I'm ashamed of what I did to you, though. How I treated you that made us take that six month hiatus from eachother. That I even SUGGESTED that we needed to stop being friends. I needed to pull my head out of my ass and realize that it wasn't your fault that you made new friends. It was my fault because I'm already so picky about who I even talk to online. I don't know if it was the combination of being at horse shows all the time or what, but I felt like it was my fault that you had found this other person to talk to and roleplay with and I was jealous. There, I said it, I was jealous. Not only that, but I was scared to death that she was going to be better than me and I was going to be left behind. We both know I don't use my words very well when I'm upset, and I have a bad tendency to make things sound the wrong way when I'm not thinking it through, but I'm so glad that we're friends now and that we can still pick up this beautiful relationship we have even if I nearly made it go away forever.

I know that was a long blurb about you, but, in all honesty Sya, you deserve it. YOU save me from myself when nobody else can and you don't judge me no matter what I say. I've told you stuff that would make other people back away in disgust. I've told you stuff that maybe other people would consider 'wrong'. You know what, though? I'd rather tell you that stuff and have you understand where I was coming from than be scared to death of telling someone else and not know how they were going to react.

You've shaped me more than anyone else, and you're the only one who can grab me by the horns and flip the shit out of me when I'm out of line. I'm a bitch sometimes, and I know that. But the truth is, I'm so grateful for our relationship that it just blows my mind how close we are right now. I feel like I could just reach out and touch you through the monitor sometimes, and sometimes I feel like we're just talking face to face even if it's just words.

You're a powerful person, don't you forget that.


=littleboylogic

Alright...you're another tough one to begin with. We also met on neoshit (what's up with that? I meet all my good friends on neoshit.). e roleplayed for a little while, and then we decided to take it offsite to Subeta. Now, I had a dA account, and why it didn't occur to me that we could just roleplay here rather than there is still a mystery my brain has yet to solve. I hated how neopets had such a low tolerance of homosexuals (be it lesbians or gays). I don't know if it was because one of the creators was homophobic or something or it was just beginning to hit its downward spiral but it just made me upset because a lot of people I know lean towards their own gender for dating.

But all that aside, we moved back here and roleplayed for QUITE a long time on various couples (Including a Romeo and Juliet one that continues to be my fave to this day). This was still when Sya and I were separated, and then her and I got back together...and this is where the confessions come in.

Honestly, when she came back, I wanted to spend my time with her. I also wanted to spend my time with you, but you didn't seem like you were in any danger of going anywhere. I was afraid I was going to lose her again, and I kept forgetting to check my dA. My visits to the site came few and far in between and I neglected you horrible and I'm SO SORRY for that. I think back on it now and I realize that I'm such a haphazard person and I can't think ahead for the life of me. I'm honestly disgusted with my own behavior, and I don't know if sorry can even cover the things I've done in the past.

We had (and still have) so much fun together, even if you are very serious (it balances me out, it's a good thing) but you still know how to have fun. You also know a great deal about me, and I'm so grateful to have you in my life. I'm so excited to create our new forum so we can talk and roleplay and just generally be ourselves away from the dramas of the internet or mainstream sites. I'm excited to start fresh and new and try to make up for what I've done in the past.

I just want to apologize, though, for all the times you've come to me for help and I didn't know how to help you. You were worried about your own life and the world was looking bleak, but, even if I had dealt with situations like that in the past, I didn't know how to help you. I tried and tried to come up with words to say, but I failed. I feel like I completely failed. I went to bed every night after you got off thinking 'what if she can't make it until morning?'. I cried for you most nights when my mind went on bad tangents down the wrong path. I tried to see what was going on through your eyes but I completely failed. Even when you were having problems with friends, I totally failed you. I talked about MY OWN problems even when we should have been focusing on yours. I was so wrapped up in my own little world because it was caving in on me big time, and I couldn't see how much pain you were in. I'm not going to make excuses for myself because there ARE no excuses for my behavior. There IS no way to take back that time that I spend wallowing in my own pity and then realizing that same night that you were hurting so badly.

Even if you dropped the bombshell that you're actually a girl and that you're actual 15 on me, I'd rather know that as the truth than believe a lie. Even if I was hurt by it at first, I'm over it now. Ask anyone, I'm just a slow healer. It takes me a long time to get over hurdles that shouldn't even exist. But, you know what? I'm so glad that you told me and that I made you feel comfortable enough to do that. I'm sorry if I totally shattered that comfort, though, with my reaction. There wasn't any malice intended in it, I promise, I just didn't know how to react. I'm sorry if it was taken the wrong way, but I can honestly say that I'm okay now and that I've accepted it and I still sleep with my Mister pillow sometimes and am even working on a Mister 2.0 pillow that won't pill up when I wash him.

You have no idea how proud of you I am. When you said that you were going to your latin competition I was so proud. I might not have expressed it, but I was like 'hey, I can't do that, that's pretty damn amazing'. I know nothing about the competition, all I know is that I blank during those periods of time. I just don't think that you know how special you really are. I can't write poetry like you can. I can't speak latin to save my life. I can't think clearly in times of stress, and I CERTAINLY can't stand it when people are talking about their problems when I'm in so much pain. How you do it, I have no idea. But, remember this, you just gotta keep being you. Don't change for the world, but don't hide yourself from it in shame, either. There's nothing shameful about being yourself, and, you know what? You never know what you'll find until you stop looking for it.

Seriously, though, you're such an amazing person, and I can't wait to get to know you even MORE late on this year. Keep up the great work, Rachel!


This message was brought to you by: Brooke.

I love you both so much! I can't even express it enough!